Two weeks to go

Exactly two weeks ( and a few hours) until i leave for the burn. As I type this on my cool new phone, I realize that I have gone into a manic mode. I have not slept more than 4 hours for the past fee nights and my mind is racing like crazy. I know this is all in my brain, but I wish I could do something to slow it down and get out of this manicness. It will pass, always does. But, I dont want to make any bad or rash decisions or do anything stupid. So, I need some support please. Thanks. I will write more later as there is alot to tell that is going on!

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Bipolar Story

For those that are not aware, I am BiPolar.  Yes, I am admitting to the world that I am bipolar. Some see this as a stigma and hide it, which I did for many many years. But, part of my health and healing in the last few years is embracing this aspect of who I am.  It is a disease just like asthma, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc., that can be controlled with medication, is hereditary and is something that is in your genes.  I have Bipolar Tyle II, which is the lesser type. It means I am not prone to the episodes you read about on the news or in movies of really extremes, like running the streets naked or suicide, etc.  But, I do cycle pretty rapidly from really depressed to really high moods.  In coming days/weeks I will be writing more on my condition and what it means to me and how I am dealing with it. As, I am deciding now how much I want to let out on the internet. But, this is a start for me.

An online friend of mine wrote this short story about bipolar.  (Posted with his permission)I think it gives an awesome idea of my condition. I post it with his permission in hopes that it will give those of you who are not familiar with this condition an idea. More to follow later. But, if you are curious, please do feel free to email me privately.

My Ice Maker Is Bipolar by "Joe"
The ice maker in my refrigerator is bipolar. I am seriously thinking about either getting it some meds or at least some counseling but maybe we will be alright. Sometimes in a whole 24 hours it will barely make enough ice to fill a large glass. I'll ask what the hell is going on and it will say,

"Oh, I don't know. Why are you yelling at me? I just don't feel good and I think I have a leak."

No, you are fine but I need you to work harder. I need enough ice for my cooler every day for work and you are not pulling your load.

"Pulling? I don't have arms. Why are you yelling at me? Life sucks and you're yelling at me."

So we talked and I said I could buy some ice or something but I don't think it heard me. It looked really depressed.

Then a few days later I opend up the freezer and there is ice every where and it is falling out of the freezer and onto the floor.

"Hey, dude! Where you been? I have been working my ass off making ice day and night and it is the best ice I ever made and I am the best ice maker ever. I feel great and I know I look great and ... oh man ... look at these last cubes I made. Gorgeous, huh?"

Yeah, they look ... uh ... great. Look as long as you are so ... uh ... hyper why don't I go and buy some gallon Zip Lock bags and we'll store away some of this extra ice for later for a party or something.

"Yeah, whatever, man. All I know is I feel great and I look great and my ice is the best ever and ... oooh, dude! Look at these I'm about to drop! Brilliant! What can I say? I am brilliant."

So I went to the store and bought some gallon Zip Locks and when I got back I opened the freezer and announced I was back.

"Why are you yelling at me? Look at my ice cubes! They suck and this job sucks and I suck. And I think I have a leak again. I just want to go and lay down and never see ice again."

The rapid ice-ling went on for a while and so we compromised so when he was making extra ice I stored it for later and, like today, when I opened the freezer and there was barely enough ice to fill a glass I just smiled and told him thanks and reached for a Zip Lock already filled with ice. I told him I knew that for him some times are tougher than others and to hang in there and that he should know I am always there for him ... good or bad ... and that no matter what I appreciated him.

He smiled ... dropped a few pitiful, half-formed cubes into the ice bin ... and mumbled, "Thanks, man. That means a lot".

I whispered, "You're welcome", and closed the freezer door.

From inside I heard a voice ...

"Why are you yelling at me?"

(A half-hour later I heard ice cubes beginning to drop every 12 minutes. As long as he tries and knows I appreciate him and that I will be patient with him when times are tough ... 'cause I know it isn't his fault anyway ... I think we will be OK.)

It is 2:30 AM now and my own hypomania has finally decided to let me sleep for a couple or three hours. I am beginning to doze off when I hear coming from the kitchen ...

"DUDE! You have got to get up and come see these ice cubes! Gorgeous! Perfect! Gorgeously perfect! Perfectly gorgeous! I'm Super Ice Maker! That's what I am. SUPER ICE MAKER! I need a mask and a costume, dude! Top of the world, ma!"

PATIENCE .... CHILL ....

Update on what is going on!

So, I have been sick this week. Not to bore you or give you all the icky details, but, I have been doing ALOT of sleeping and NOT alot of eating. Not alot of computer time either. So, I figured I would catch up quickly while I am feeling a tad bit better at the moment.   So, this post is a little of everything rolled into one!

My cats LOVE my new bed.  Emeralde (black one) lays with me all the time on it.  Anytime I am in it, so is she. Safire (grey one) actually has been sleeping with me too.  She used to only sleep with mom.  I have found that she likes a certain spot and if Emeralde is there, she will kick her off. Kinda funny actually.  Yes, I am becoming that cat lady!

I will be finishing my Ten Days to Mental Health before the month ends, I promise. :)

The pizza party for the acting group went well. Squishy was a great help in getting everything and all the kids loved it. I have a tendancy to do over board, but, Squishy was good about telling me to keep it simple.  Only thing that I would have done different is the type of pizza. More cheese & peperoni!  See, my daughter is weird and LOVES vegetables. So, I have just gone through all the kid years with that.  Well, in ordering pizza, I ordered how I would for her and her friends...but I should have just gotten cheese and pepperoni! Oh well.  I did get a very lovely email from the woman in charge thanking me. Which is nice. I look forward to helping out more with this group.

Squishy has a dance performance tonight. I love watching her do what she loves. And, this dance is something she has not done a whole lot of: pair dancing! I will make sure to let you know how it goes. Hopefully I will make it through it sitting up right!

I must say that I am happy and sound in my decision to change camps.  The people I am talking with in the new camp are wonderful. So inviting, full of information and caring. Some of my friends and family don't understand why I don't find a camp of people more local. But for me, this makes sense. Hard to explain, but it just does.  Deep down, I am a shy person and talking to these people online is easier for me.  Yes, there is a community of *burners* up here, but so far, I have not racked up the courage to go.  In time I will. Baby steps.

The raffle for my Burning Man camp is coming together quite nicely.  I am still looking for a grand prize, but, it will come.  We are going to have some awesome prizes! :)  We are also progressing on our water bottles! Stay Tuned!

I have started to think about what I should do with my hair while out on the playa.  I am trying to grow it out again since cutting it short.  But, short may be better with all the dust and wind. Unless I continue to let it grow out and then maybe put it in braids for BM.  I never have had braids, so it would be different, but hey, that is what it is all about, right!  So, right now, I am leaning towards mini braids with maybe some fabric in them for color.  But, I may change my mind. Who knows. I need to talk to Cindy, my hair lady to see what she thinks I suppose.  But, my hair is so thick, I don't want to have to deal with it out there!

That is it for now. I am going to post a story a friend of mine wrote here shortly, but I wanted that to be in a different post.