Theme Camp Decision....(long)

Lately the universe has been pulling (or pushing me!) into new directions. I believe that the universe has a plan for us and gives us the tools to guide us in certain ways.  Whether we listen to those or not, well, that is what makes this ride we call life interesting.  These past few months have been full of soul searching, research, back on my medication, organizing and more things. Part of this direction was to make the decision to attend Burning Man this year and actually commit to it.  Once I make a firm decision, you really can't talk me out of it and it is all about logistics in making it happen.  That is where I am with Burning Man right now.  Seems like daily something pops into my mind.  One of the major decisions to be made was whether to camp with a theme camp, find some friends or go it alone.  Well, after really thinking about me, my resources, skills and needs: both physically, mentally and what I have to offer; I decided I wanted to join a theme camp. It will allow me to go with some veterans to learn from their experiences, pool resources and offer something new to them in return. Admittedly, it also eases my mind a bit that if something should happen to my mom or daughter while I am gone, being at a placed theme camp will make it ALOT easier for someone to get ahold of me, if need be. (Not that anything is going to happen, but, that is the planner in me!)

In doing some research I connected with a few different people, spoke with them and made a decision to camp with Zifra and the Lazy Lizard Lemonade Lounge.  In speaking with her, she is most definately someone I would enjoy camping with.  With only about 15 people, it is a smaller camp, which would be serving lemonade (and my favorite, vodka!) through out the afternoons, as well as other various activities.  Through the yahoo group that Zifra set up, I met a few camp mates and started talking with them who also seem really awesome people.  But, in my heart, something just was not there.  Something was lacking (for a better word). And, I could not put my finger on it. But, in trusting the universe, I knew things would work out and really was not stressing about it much.

Remember when I said earlier that once my mind is made up, I am a planner and do anything to make it happen? Almost to an obsession point for a short while. Well, in my research for and about BM, I came across numerous numerous sites, information, videos, people, etc.  Some good, some not so good.  Some a good fit for me, some not so good.  As part of all this discovery, I came across another theme camp called Pink Heart Camp.  In getting to know some camp mates, plans, etc., I was starting to think maybe I should be with them out on the playa instead. But, I had already committed to the other camp.  Try as I might, I could not shake the feeling that I should be part of Pink Heart.  Now, being the type of person I am, I didn't want to go back on a promise I had made and hurt anyone's feelings.  But, then I remembered a promise I have made to myself: put yourself first for once. (Please don't think I am being arrogant or not thinking or serving others.  But, after years and years of putting others first - and having it take its toll on me both physically and mentally, this year I made a promise to do things for myself.)  But again, I really just shook it off. 

Until the universe sent me about four signs within a span of 24 hours pushing me into the direction of Pink Heart.  I am not going to go into detail about what they are. But, they were really strong signs for sure that could not be ignored.  There are things the camp needs that fit my skills and things I am passionate about.  I feel more at home being with this camp than I have with the other one. I know that sounds weird, since its mostly all been online. But, that can mean alot.  And, it is important to me to feel at home, at ease and feel like I can be of use.

To my new friends at Lazy Lizard, please know this was not a decision that was made lightly.  Some of you have really become dear friends and I do hope to *meet* you out on the playa. I promise to stop by and invite you to visit us.  To my new friends at Pink Heart Camp: we are going to have a blast for sure. Now....I bet I can sneak in some purple! :)